


Cynical Tears

by OfAGroovyMind



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Angst, Bottom Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 10:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1118830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfAGroovyMind/pseuds/OfAGroovyMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas had a feeling. It wasn't a nice feeling at all. It gripped the ex-angel, suffocating him until he had no room but to accept the dread overtaking him. This wasn't a usual night. It didn't feel like it.</p><p>It felt like a goodbye.</p><p>Dean was going off to a mission, and that is why he came to spend the night with Cas. If only it didn't feel like a permanent goodbye. Cas couldn't accept the thought, but he had to let go. He had no choice. Dean wasn't truly his anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cynical Tears

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing Destiel after RPing it for so long. This little story was a solo on my Future!Cas twitter account. I'm proud of this one, and I might add one more chapter soon. One of the night they spend together, because I like some smut here and there. Who knows. For now, this is it.

Cas didn't cry when he lost his grace. He didn't cry when he met Dean's eyes, and told him he had lost his grace. He also didn't cry when he had been attacked by a croat who had nearly ripped his arm off. Cas had broken a bone that day, and he became even more useless for the months which followed as it healed. He found tears to be of no use. It wouldn't change the situation at all, and he would waste time in acting through the action of crying.

Cas was a hypocrite, because he did cry once. The day he had looked into Dean's eyes and lost all hope. It was a sunny day, ironically to the situation. Through the many nights he spends between Dean's bed sheets, he finally saw the truth. The light had left Dean's eyes, and Cas could see Dean was left with nothing but a bitter coldness. It was on that day, when Cas gripped the sheets up close to his body, covering his respected areas. He awoke to see Dean at the window, smoking a cigarette. Dean had found his secret stash, and he was looking out the window with no emotion detected on the hardness of his comely features. Dean was going to leave. He did this every time he went on a mission.

He would find Cas, and it wouldn’t be like a usual night. Dean didn’t throw Cas onto the bed and only fucked him rough; raw. It was different on these nights before Dean left on a mission. He would be softer on his movements, and take his time preparing Cas as he unraveled a burning pleasure between the two. Dean would take him slowly, and on those nights he would _kiss_ Cas. Dean never acknowledged this strange behavior. Cas would even go as far as to say Dean made love to him; if it were the last time he would. Cas was silly for thinking that, since Dean didn’t love him? They tangled between each other’s bed sheets for a release, and that was only why. At least, it was a lie he told himself, one Cas never believed. He was in love with Dean, but it was of no use, and so he got what he could. He would allow Dean to do anything to him; to his body.

Cas sometimes got the vibe that Dean desperately wanted to see the _old_ Castiel. He couldn’t give him that, and through the years he had stopped going by Castiel, and even called himself Cas in his thoughts. He wasn’t the old innocent angel anymore, and he wished Dean would see that, and not chase after a past which didn’t exist anymore. It hurt, and still, Cas kept on going back to Dean’s cabin. He felt guilty for wanting the old [Dean](https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Dean&src=hash) as well, but he had learned to embrace the new [Dean](https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Dean&src=hash). It seemed he was the only one who has accepted it.

After Dean left, Cas had cried for the first time, and he wasn't ashamed of it. It was the day Cas realized he couldn’t save Dean, as much he tried. It was useless. It all circled back to Dean, it will always be that way. Cas was sure his dying word would be Dean’s name. The ex-angel had fallen to all sorts of high, and lows.

Dean left for weeks, and he hasn’t come back yet. Since then, he had felt like wanting to cry many times, but the most frustrating part was that as much as he wanted to release his cynical and pathetic tears once more; he couldn't. The tears failed him, just like he failed every forsaken thing, or person he came into contact with as well.

Most of all, Cas had failed himself.


End file.
